The funny thing is..I could use a couple of these.So, lately I have been having what I call, "lose your mind days" and "get a grip" days. Usually I get a grip after one or two days of losing my mind.
I was kind of looking forward to getting past the (wonderful!) holidays so that I could rest more, get into a normal routine and set and achieve some new goals. I started thinking of things that I wanted to improve upon and it seemed like almost everything in my life made that list! Does that happen to anyone else?
Keep the house clean, read my scriptures, de-junk, save money, exercise more, watch less t.v., be less idle, be a better wife and mother, be more patient, get out more, do a better job with my callings and church assignments etc.
Lately the only things that I feel like I excell in are keeping us stocked with clean laundry, milk, bread and toilet paper. We hardly ever run out of those things. I know it's not much, but, ya know what? When I need to feel good about myself I think of those things and sometimes it's enough to be proud of.
If you know me well, you know that my house usually looks like a bomb went off and that I don't really "cook" often. You can also often find me in my footie pajamas and Felicity in just a diaper (if I'm lucky-she hates to wear anything-and today I could only get her to put on a swim diaper-not the same thing as a diaper apparently-pee pee went everywhere). I feel like I am a good mom and a good wife (most of the time) but I am so often feeling discouraged because I am a horrible housekeeper and cook.
Factors to why I feel this way/why things are this way:
-I like to be comfy
-I am kind of a homebody
-I give Felicity a lot of freedom-it is starting to backfire-she makes messes-she throws FITS about getting dressed etc.
-I go to bed too late
-Felicity is still "jack in the boxing" out of bed each night
-I have less energy and more pain than the averge Joe because of my Scleroderma
-I have a really hard time getting moving in the mornings-joint pain and fatigue
-I am pretty sure I am lazy
-One of my favorite things to do is read and this involves staying home and ignoring messes
-Keeping up with Felicity makes me POOPED!
OK-enough excuses-and you are probably wondering where all of this is going. Really this post is more for myself than anything. Today Felicity was especially stubborn and things are a crazy mess and I just thought, "Get a grip! I am going to make some serious goals to become the person I want to be-and I am going to put it on my blog so that 1)people will know that I am aware of my faults, that I know the jammies thing is not really normal 2)Maybe someone else will have a hard day and realize that they are not the only one who feels like they can't keep up with life 3) I can put my goals into writing and maybe get a little motivation and responsibilty from my friends.
So-there are a million things I want to work on-but I really just want to make many small and responsible decisions each day so that things are more in place. As a blanket goal I want to be closer to the person I want to be instead of the person I am often dissapointed with.
So-here are my goals for now:
1. The ten thirty rule. I will be in bed, lights off ready to sleep by 10:30 each night for a week to see if I feel more energized in the morning. Also, by 10:30 each morning Felicity and I will be showered, dressed, fed, and enlightened by scripture study and prayer whether we have anywhere to go or not.
2. I will finish the two books I am reading now and will not get anything for me at the library until March 1st. This will be kind of tough.
3. Until the Olympics start I will not watch TV for my own enjoyment. Instead of watching tv and reading I will work on the de-junking I am always putting off.
4. I will get an appointment for pulmonary therapy, make sure I am taking my meds twice a day as instructed and exercise twice a week.
*I know it seems like a lot, but believe me I've got a lot of room to improve!
*Thanks for letting me babble and for putting up with this self deprecating rant. I am not trying to fish for compliments or have your pity. I know I am a good person and that we don't have to be perfect at everything. I feel good about myself in a lot of ways, but it is time for me to get a grip! I will try to live so that someone can drop by anytime without me being embarrassed about my house or my attire (I WON'T promise to wear a b.r.a. all of the time, you know I hate those things!
-Thanks for listening-if you made it this far, leave me a comment and tell me one small thing that you are awesome at-something that makes you proud. Have a good day whether you are losing your mind or getting a grip on life..
13 comments:
Kelli,
I feel like I am like that and I don't have any children to chase after!! I guess I should work on my goals as well. I think the thing I am the best at (besides being the annoying aunt with the camera) is my willingness to help (not always though). We can't be good all the time right? I love hearing about how you are doing. Felicity is sooo cute and she sounds a little like you when you were little. Justice for the moms I guess. I am excited to see all of you in April.
Love Jennifer
Kelli,
It is great to have goals but quit being so hard on yourself. First of all I happen to like your footie pajamas, also me and Addie are in our pajamas most of the morning on a lot of days. I only worry about it when I am ready for lunch and nobody is dressed. Also hate bras and like to be comfy baggy jeans and a hoody sign me up! My goal is to be as patient as you are, if I could fix one thing about me that is it, be more patient. And to answer your question even though I often feel I am lacking and pray for help to be better at it, I am a great mom. Why? Because I take time to make Addison know that she is important to me and loved and hug and kiss on her every day. So even if I am lacking in every other way (which happens plenty) at least I get that done.
Good luck! You can do it!
You're awesome, Kelli! Good Luck with your goals! (I too, love your footie pajamas)
Um....you are a great mom and being way too hard on yourself. Most of the time the only thing I get done by 11:00 am is exercising and reading a book. I don't have TV otherwise I would probably watch it all the time. Especially the food network. I just feel good knowing that I take care of my baby everyday and that she gets what she needs. I think that is far more important than what I need or want. I have a lot of goals to accomplish this year too. My problem is not following through with my goals and dreams and simple things that I start. This year I am hoping to change that. Good luck to both of us. Love you Kelli.
Add "incredibly honest" to your list of things you should be proud of. I think part of being honest is staying true to yourself and being comfortable with it. I applaud your efforts to set goals and make changes, but don't change the part of you that makes you so uniquely Kelli: being real. I love your guts whether your house is a disaster or not--but good for you for raising the bar a little:)
Kell ... Keep on Keepin on girl! I find that I am so much more productive in a day if I get dressed earlier. Sometimes it doesn't happen but on the days that it does ... I am happier. Your 1030 rule sounds great.
I don't know how you can go without your bra!!! Someone would have to lock me up if they took my bra away! My sisters are like you though. ;)
Its good to evaluate and grow. I want to do it now too!
Ah, Kel... I've missed you! Thanks for the honest post. Although our lives are different, I've definitely had these moments.In fact, I've had that goal to be in bed by 10:30pm, in effect and I still forget about it!
This is a long reply, but I just wanted to share some stuff outloud with you since you did the same, which helped me.
I'm proud of myself because this year, I simplified my annual goals. It's two simple things: 1) Stick to my designed schedule & 2) Read the Book of Mormon again
The first goal is because if I follow a schedule I spent hours designing last year, EVERYTHING else I want to accomplish will fall into place. I set time to exercise, do gospel study, take time for hobbies, cleaning, being a better wife, etc. Sure I haven't followed it anywhere close to where I want it, but I'm starting to progress in these categories slowly but surely!
The second goal is the one that I'm really proud of myself for. I lost that drive of reading the BoM everyday and felt the lack it in my life. My grandma, mom, and I got set on a schedule to read the BoM by May 1st and it's really been a bonding experience. I'm actually doing it and notice a huge change in my day.
Anyway, that's a lot for a reply, but I just want to let you know I love ya and miss you!
Kell ... I just read Either 12:27 - look it up. ;)
Oh Kell,
You are the cutest. You are a wonderful mom and I doubt ANYONE is questioning that. I do feel that "I need to improve in every aspect of my LIFE" a lot lately. I think Kids automatically put that in your head- because you always want to be better for them and for your husband. You are a blue personality like me. Remember that Color Code test from the ranch?
Anyway..... Per your request. I think I am getting a lot better at taking a day at a time. I have started making daily lists- but shortening them to what I think is really doable with time to spare. I love crossing things off and meeting my goals daily. Good luck with the dejunking. I am trying to do that too. Spring cleaning in January. :)
I hope you continue to feel better, even if the only way to get there is with the meds and exercise. :) Love you Kel.
My goal is to get a shower everyday. Somedays just call for pajamas. Since having RSV, I think we have gotten dressed 5 times this month. Seriously! I really need to dejunk and clean my house too. Always on my list. But I have been awesome about having a hot meal on the table when Devin gets home from work. Not always delicious,but hot! And typing this with one hand while holding a wiggly baby is pretty great. Priorities. Priorities!
I love and like you even more after reading this...xo
My goal for this year is not to be so hard on myself. Pretty much every one in my life is nice to me except for uhhh well me.
You're are a great writer! Seriously funny. I went to Poland with Kurt (if you don't know me). As far as something I'm good at....keeping the house clean. Something I'm working on....chilling out on my kids and not making everything an issue. You've got some writing talent girl. Tell your hubby hi for me.
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