The funny thing is..I could use a couple of these.
So, lately I have been having what I call, "lose your mind days" and "get a grip" days. Usually I get a grip after one or two days of losing my mind.
I was kind of looking forward to getting past the (wonderful!) holidays so that I could rest more, get into a normal routine and set and achieve some new goals. I started thinking of things that I wanted to improve upon and it seemed like almost everything in my life made that list! Does that happen to anyone else?
Keep the house clean, read my scriptures, de-junk, save money, exercise more, watch less t.v., be less idle, be a better wife and mother, be more patient, get out more, do a better job with my callings and church assignments etc.
Lately the only things that I feel like I excell in are keeping us stocked with clean laundry, milk, bread and toilet paper. We hardly ever run out of those things. I know it's not much, but, ya know what? When I need to feel good about myself I think of those things and sometimes it's enough to be proud of.
If you know me well, you know that my house usually looks like a bomb went off and that I don't really "cook" often. You can also often find me in my footie pajamas and Felicity in just a diaper (if I'm lucky-she hates to wear anything-and today I could only get her to put on a swim diaper-not the same thing as a diaper apparently-pee pee went everywhere). I feel like I am a good mom and a good wife (most of the time) but I am so often feeling discouraged because I am a horrible housekeeper and cook.
Factors to why I feel this way/why things are this way:
-I like to be comfy
-I am kind of a homebody
-I give Felicity a lot of freedom-it is starting to backfire-she makes messes-she throws FITS about getting dressed etc.
-I go to bed too late
-Felicity is still "jack in the boxing" out of bed each night
-I have less energy and more pain than the averge Joe because of my Scleroderma
-I have a really hard time getting moving in the mornings-joint pain and fatigue
-I am pretty sure I am lazy
-One of my favorite things to do is read and this involves staying home and ignoring messes
-Keeping up with Felicity makes me POOPED!
OK-enough excuses-and you are probably wondering where all of this is going. Really this post is more for myself than anything. Today Felicity was especially stubborn and things are a crazy mess and I just thought, "Get a grip! I am going to make some serious goals to become the person I want to be-and I am going to put it on my blog so that 1)people will know that I am aware of my faults, that I know the jammies thing is not really normal 2)Maybe someone else will have a hard day and realize that they are not the only one who feels like they can't keep up with life 3) I can put my goals into writing and maybe get a little motivation and responsibilty from my friends.
So-there are a million things I want to work on-but I really just want to make many small and responsible decisions each day so that things are more in place. As a blanket goal I want to be closer to the person I want to be instead of the person I am often dissapointed with.
So-here are my goals for now:
1. The ten thirty rule. I will be in bed, lights off ready to sleep by 10:30 each night for a week to see if I feel more energized in the morning. Also, by 10:30 each morning Felicity and I will be showered, dressed, fed, and enlightened by scripture study and prayer whether we have anywhere to go or not.
2. I will finish the two books I am reading now and will not get anything for me at the library until March 1st. This will be kind of tough.
3. Until the Olympics start I will not watch TV for my own enjoyment. Instead of watching tv and reading I will work on the de-junking I am always putting off.
4. I will get an appointment for pulmonary therapy, make sure I am taking my meds twice a day as instructed and exercise twice a week.
*I know it seems like a lot, but believe me I've got a lot of room to improve!
*Thanks for letting me babble and for putting up with this self deprecating rant. I am not trying to fish for compliments or have your pity. I know I am a good person and that we don't have to be perfect at everything. I feel good about myself in a lot of ways, but it is time for me to get a grip! I will try to live so that someone can drop by anytime without me being embarrassed about my house or my attire (I WON'T promise to wear a b.r.a. all of the time, you know I hate those things!
-Thanks for listening-if you made it this far, leave me a comment and tell me one small thing that you are awesome at-something that makes you proud. Have a good day whether you are losing your mind or getting a grip on life..