Get a grip!

The funny thing is..I could use a couple of these.

So, lately I have been having what I call, "lose your mind days" and "get a grip" days. Usually I get a grip after one or two days of losing my mind.

I was kind of looking forward to getting past the (wonderful!) holidays so that I could rest more, get into a normal routine and set and achieve some new goals. I started thinking of things that I wanted to improve upon and it seemed like almost everything in my life made that list! Does that happen to anyone else?

Keep the house clean, read my scriptures, de-junk, save money, exercise more, watch less t.v., be less idle, be a better wife and mother, be more patient, get out more, do a better job with my callings and church assignments etc.

Lately the only things that I feel like I excell in are keeping us stocked with clean laundry, milk, bread and toilet paper. We hardly ever run out of those things. I know it's not much, but, ya know what? When I need to feel good about myself I think of those things and sometimes it's enough to be proud of.

If you know me well, you know that my house usually looks like a bomb went off and that I don't really "cook" often. You can also often find me in my footie pajamas and Felicity in just a diaper (if I'm lucky-she hates to wear anything-and today I could only get her to put on a swim diaper-not the same thing as a diaper apparently-pee pee went everywhere). I feel like I am a good mom and a good wife (most of the time) but I am so often feeling discouraged because I am a horrible housekeeper and cook.

Factors to why I feel this way/why things are this way:

-I like to be comfy
-I am kind of a homebody
-I give Felicity a lot of freedom-it is starting to backfire-she makes messes-she throws FITS about getting dressed etc.
-I go to bed too late
-Felicity is still "jack in the boxing" out of bed each night
-I have less energy and more pain than the averge Joe because of my Scleroderma
-I have a really hard time getting moving in the mornings-joint pain and fatigue
-I am pretty sure I am lazy
-One of my favorite things to do is read and this involves staying home and ignoring messes
-Keeping up with Felicity makes me POOPED!

OK-enough excuses-and you are probably wondering where all of this is going. Really this post is more for myself than anything. Today Felicity was especially stubborn and things are a crazy mess and I just thought, "Get a grip! I am going to make some serious goals to become the person I want to be-and I am going to put it on my blog so that 1)people will know that I am aware of my faults, that I know the jammies thing is not really normal 2)Maybe someone else will have a hard day and realize that they are not the only one who feels like they can't keep up with life 3) I can put my goals into writing and maybe get a little motivation and responsibilty from my friends.

So-there are a million things I want to work on-but I really just want to make many small and responsible decisions each day so that things are more in place. As a blanket goal I want to be closer to the person I want to be instead of the person I am often dissapointed with.

So-here are my goals for now:

1. The ten thirty rule. I will be in bed, lights off ready to sleep by 10:30 each night for a week to see if I feel more energized in the morning. Also, by 10:30 each morning Felicity and I will be showered, dressed, fed, and enlightened by scripture study and prayer whether we have anywhere to go or not.

2. I will finish the two books I am reading now and will not get anything for me at the library until March 1st. This will be kind of tough.

3. Until the Olympics start I will not watch TV for my own enjoyment. Instead of watching tv and reading I will work on the de-junking I am always putting off.

4. I will get an appointment for pulmonary therapy, make sure I am taking my meds twice a day as instructed and exercise twice a week.

*I know it seems like a lot, but believe me I've got a lot of room to improve!

*Thanks for letting me babble and for putting up with this self deprecating rant. I am not trying to fish for compliments or have your pity. I know I am a good person and that we don't have to be perfect at everything. I feel good about myself in a lot of ways, but it is time for me to get a grip! I will try to live so that someone can drop by anytime without me being embarrassed about my house or my attire (I WON'T promise to wear a b.r.a. all of the time, you know I hate those things!

-Thanks for listening-if you made it this far, leave me a comment and tell me one small thing that you are awesome at-something that makes you proud. Have a good day whether you are losing your mind or getting a grip on life..

Two Laundry Lists

I was thinking about posting all of the recent happenings as a bulleted list (o.k. I am way way behind on blogging). Then the phrase "laundry list" came into my head and I thought, "I'll show you a laundry list!" I don't know why that phrase is used exactly, but I really found myself making a laundry list yesterday. Here it is.

-Every stitch of fabric related to Felicity's new darling big girl bed (OK-not the bed skirt)-including two sheets, pillow, pillow case, mattress cover and comforter
-Kurt's brown pillow and case and our fitted sheet
-3 pairs of cute little pj's
-the kitchen rug
-two full size towels and multiple washcloths
-one set of my "undies"
-The kitchen floor
-The carpet near the kitchen floor
-Me! from neck to toes

OK-so not all of those things are "laundry" but they are all things that were VOMITED ON by a poor, sad, darling two year old within the space of five hours (2 am to 7 am-hardly a wink of sleep for any of us)And all of them had to be washed. Can you tell this is our first experience with multiple episode's of puking? We should have just undressed her and left her on a plastic sheet or something...

Poor Felicity was obviously very sick the other night. She threw up in her bed, then in my room. We got her changed, I sent the other two to sleep in our bed while I scrubbed, then she threw up in our bed, then once she was totally empty, she dry heaved every 15 minutes for a few hours. It was horribly sad! She kept saying, "All done!?" afterwards because she thought we could stop it. Finally after a few prayers and a call to the Dr's office things settled down until 7 when she finally was able to take in some liquid and then drench me in it when I picked her up off the counter. Seriously-so gross. Anyway... Things are better now.

It is weird to be a parent and have to deal with this stuff. It's strange how alert and sympathetic you become when a sick child wakes you (believe me, I am not usually alert or sympathetic when awakened). It's weird how you feel so bad for your offspring and not for yourself even though you're up scrubbing yuckies (I did start to feel bad for myself after no sleep and that 7 am dousing).

It made me think of my mom. Even as a young child I was amazed with my mom's kindness when I would throw up in the night. I remember how sweet she was to me and helped get me clean pj's and bedding and then she would be still cleaning as I drifted off. I always thought it was such a gross gross job and I felt bad for her. I think I remember asking her if she wanted help and she said, "no,no,no-go back to sleep." So nice. I was asking Felicity if she felt better today and she then showed me and told me everywhere she threw up. Then she said, "I naughty." She says this a lot and it's most of the time true, but I tried to explain to her that throwing up is not naughty, it's an accident because you're sick. Poor thing.

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Second Laundry List

-Felicity turned 2! We had a Curious George party and she was absolutely spoiled by family and friends!

-Christmas was amazing! We are so lucky to be able to spend time with both of our families. If Felicity wasn't spoiled enough on the 19th, she reached a new level of spoiled on Christmas!

-Did I tell you that my youngest Brother Brett is engaged to long time girlfriend Tara? They are getting married April first. I am excited!

-Kurt's brother Aaron and his wife Jeanette were here from Las Vegas. It was fun to spend time with the newlyweds

-My BFF Jana had a baby boy! I am so happy for her and so proud of her. Jay Otto Neser is adorable. Can't wait to meet him.

- I got all of my yearly tests done to check on anything and everything that could be effected by my Scleroderma. My brain MRI,Echo,lung function test,and barium swallow study were all pretty good-but my chest CT showed some inflammation in the lungs. SO-I am starting a new medication and will be testing lung function for the next year to see if things can improve or at least remain stable. This was kind of a bummer at first-because I have to add a pretty serious medication to my long list and because I would really like to be able to try to add another little one to this family (because I'm so good at handling the first one, right?) But, it is not in the cards for now, we will see how things are in a year. But,you know what? Things could definitely be worse and we are really really blessed in so many other ways. Especially blessed to have our little up-chuck queen.

I was thinking the other day about when Kurt and I were first married. I wanted to have kids from day one, but he had a year left in school and then wanted to do a masters, so we had decided that I would probably teach for three years and then we would try. But Kurt came home one day (after being married 5 months) and said, "I'm ready when you're ready." After some spiritual experiences and prayer, we were pregnant with Felicity in March. Looking back, I realize that if we would have waited three years or so, we would be trying to have our first baby now. And because of my Scleroderma diagnosis about a year ago-that probably wouldn't be possible. So, I just wanted to publicly count my blessings and if Felicity is the only child that we ever have on our own, I will be grateful.

Sorry, things got kind of heavy there at the end. But these are things that are happening, these are the things I think about. I'm happy for a new year and that none of Felicity's barf got on the new couch!

Confessions.

For some weird reason I have been thinking in confessions lately. Little funny things happen and I make a quick confession to someone in my head. Like, "Yeah, that's right...I am..."

-Sweeping up broken glass in the kitchen while just wearing my "undies" and white and green pumas (gotta protect my toesies). This is Felicity after she threw the glass off of the counter today, "I throwed it." Yeah, obviously. No emotion, no remorse. Weird little girl.

-Replaying the part where our good friend Miley plays the "butterfly/daddy daughter song" in Hannah Montana the movie which I ordered from Netflix. While tears flood my eyes. Yep. Ordered it, watched it, rewound it, cried at more than one part. Seriously?

-Feeding Felicity candy from the gingerbread house we made a few weeks ago. Her begging got old and I figured we are going to toss it in a couple weeks anyway.

-Checking your blog just to see if you're pregnant yet.

-Taking ONE picture with my cell phone of my daughter on Santa's lap instead of paying for something cute. P.S. the adorable 9 month old asian baby in front of us had on fake hair! I'm serious.

-Writing this dumb post while I should be cleaning up dinner and taking a shower. Enjoy!

Help! She escaped!

The go utes red cast which came off last Friday

I wrote this post for my special secret blog with my old roomates because they are all awesome gals with good advice about kids and everything else. Then I thought about how much I really want advice on this issue, so I thought I would put it out there. If any of the 5 or 6 people that read my blog have any advice, please share!

Don't get too worried, it's nothing serious.But then again it is. Felicity can get out of her crib! When I tried to put her down for a nap she cried and screamed and after a few minutes I went to check on her and she was at the door trying to get out her room! I tried again later and same thing. I peeked through the door and watched her. She isn't great at getting down, but I don't think she injured herself at all (which is great because today I had to take her to get more x-rays because after getting her cast off she still won't walk on that leg.)

So today we bundled up, went out in a windy freezing snowstorm, hiked to the hospital from the parking lot (I have to carry her everywhere we go because of her leg...) got new x-rays and are waiting to hear from the dr.

I tried getting her to nap with me in my bed, but she was too distracted. Tried the couch. That was a no go. Man, I thought she was grumpy with a new cold and her hurt leg. Now adding in no nap, she is a wreck.

I know she will be a nightmare about staying in a big girl bed. Is it time to suck it up and get one and start training her to sleep in it? If so, how do I do that? Any ideas of how to get her to stay in the crib? Have you ever heard of a crib tent? I know it sounds weird but it is a mesh topper for the crib to keep kids in and pets out. I feel desperate! I don't know what's going to happen tonight. She is so stubborn and strong willed, I'm afraid she will be getting out at all hours! Help!

Autumn Day-God gives many gifts today

Do you know that primary song? It is a goody. Taught to me by the one and only Roz Hall.

We love the fall. Except for the whole getting cold thing. But you can't help but love the falling leaves and Halloween and looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas.

News around our house:

-Felicity has a broken leg (trampoline) and has a hard splint thing on for two weeks. She is a trooper. She has had many accidents lately. You can see the scrape on her chin from when she crashed and fell into the couch-biting into her lip and scraping part of her face off. Now she also has a giant blood blister on her finger. I am feeling pretty bad for her lately-but she is happy enough and loves to be a monster and scare you. It's pretty darn cute.
-The Yankees won the world series! Yahoo. I guess Kurt growing out his beard and me growing out my leg hair really did the trick. What can we say, we are fans that bring good luck!
-Halloween was awesome-lots of parties. Felicity was Dorothy and we were the scarecrow and the tinman. I found this picture that she took of herself. There is no

other description but to say that she looks stoned. I'm sorry.

There's just not.It made me laugh.

At the church party. I did not win anything in the chili cookoff. Boo.

I was in charge of the kids fishing game. It was pretty awesome.

Happy girl.

The Radmall Clan at Aunt Annies Halloween party

That's us folks

Cute cousins

Who knew Kurt would gladly receie a toddler sized dress for his birthday?

But he did and he loves to let Felicity wear it every game day.

Thanks Tom and TeriAnn for our fun trip to Hee Haw Farms.

We went on TWO hayrides this season. What could be better?

No more spring blossoms around here...

Better get some autumn leaves up on our background Kurtie Bird.

Long time, no see. There are really no good excuses-we have just been busy and lazy. But-just to catch you up-these are some of the things we have done since we last talked.



-Went to Yellowstone with Kurt's family. It was awesome. We saw lots of cool scenery and cool animals. Felicity liked to yell MOOO to the buffalo.

-Went to California for Kurt's brother's wedding reception. Aaron and Jeanette looked handsome and beautiful respectively and the reception was fun. We also got to spend some time with Jana and Wes and my cousins the Thorntons and all of their new babies. The trip was great except for Felicity's demeanor on the way home. Boo

-After the trip to CA we took away the binky. Yep-the green thing that was constantly in Felicity's little pie hole. Gone. It was hard for a few days-but we did it and I am proud!

-Kurt's sister Christie, her husband Brandon and daughter Addison got sealed in August. It was such a great day and we are so happy for them. Man-Addie had everyone in tears when she was brought in in her darling white dress, sweater and bow. After the sealing she said, "Mom, I'm in the temple!" What a great thing.

Kurt had his Birthday in September and we had a good time camping and celebrating with our families. Both of our parents celebrated 30 years this year. Congrats!We also celebrated both of our dad's birthdays in Sept.

I have been busy seeing lots of new doctors, trying new medications, getting a little swimming in (thanks Christie) and going to physical therapy. Trying to get my bod feeling better. I have some tests coming up in January and we'll see how things are going.

Felicity is starting to talk and it's pretty darling. She will copy almost any word you say and her favorite phrases are "I did it!" and "I got it!" Pretty fitting for such an independent, stubborn little thing. Gee, I wonder where she gets that. She is obsessed with buckling things lately. Carseats, strollers, her doggy backpack, my swim bag. She loves to do it over and over with a proud, "I did it!" Yes, she continues to run me ragged and drive me crazy sometimes, but it's all worth it.

I guess I will post pictures another time. The one hour napper just woke up.

bride, the brush, and bigos

Yes, that's right. Kelli is wearing her wedding dress. It's been 3 years and 3 months, and she can slip right into that thing. Felicity, your mom is as beautiful as ever. We sure are lucky!

We went camping the Friday before my birthday with the Woffindens. My family joined us for one tasty dinner. Thanks for spending that evening with us, everyone. You sure mean a lot to us. We love you!

Last, but not least, for this post - Kelli made me bigos for my birthday. This is a stew that I had a lot of in Poland. This version has cabbage, sauerkraut, bacon, sausage, and pork loin among other things. Throw in a few slices of rye bread and I was in heaven. Thanks, Kelli.

The Radmalls are alive and well, even if our blog is not...What can we say? We've been busy.

Anger. Rising.

Why? Why does everything noisy happen during nap time? I know there is no way to fix it and not everyone plans their day around nap time, but it's so dang frustrating!

I say this because we live in a condo and there are sometimes noisy things going on that I can't control. Usually it is really quiet and we love living here but today i want to go rip someone's leaf blower off of their back! There is a new dog somewhere in the neighborhood that LOVES to bark at all hours .Grrr. The garbage truck woke Felicity up this morning at 6:40 thank you very much-now the lawn guys woke her up in the middle of nap time. Luckily after 10 minutes of letting her cry, she went back to sleep. But I swear they are just making circles around our building with their mowers and blowers and edger thingies. Why can't she be a heavy sleeper like her daddy? Oh wait, then when she grows up she won't hear her own baby cry in the middle of the night. . .

The ramblings of an inmate

Lately, Felicity has been asking to get into her crib during the day. Mostly she just wants to play ring around the rosies with herself and "all fall down" on the soft mattress. I love hearing her start to talk. She is trying to copy things that I say. Yesterday I said "crap" as my car door softly brushed (don't worry, I wiped away the mark with my spit) our neighbors car. And yes, she then tried to say crap. The time has come to clean up my mouth (Orbitz?). My daughter is now understanding what I say and copying me. Today I sneezed twice in a row and both times she said her little version of "bless you". Too cute.

p.s. My sister had a baby girl and I got to cut the cord! Yahoo. I love little Molly Kay and as some of you know, I love to be present for delivery. Invite me to yours.

p.p.s Jillian-it's "he and I" not "him and I". Some of you know what I'm talking about. So many weeks of the same grammatical error, over and over. I cracked up because Reid made the same mistake during his going home limo rant. I guess they were a perfect pair.

p.p.p.s I know I probably make tons of mistakes on this blog. Apostrophes, quotation marks, commas, spelling and all. I told Kurt not to correct it for me. He and his journalism degree would offend me and make me feel stupid. So forgive me for being a hypocrite of types and criticizing Jillian the cute little Canadian.

Venting/Ranting

Today my child is driving me crazy. It's just one of those days. I have cried twice.These are some of the things that have led to my lunacy:

*Felicity woke up at 6:30 instead of 8:00
*She grabbed my spoon and tried to feed my cereal to her baby doll (it was kind of cute actually)-then she proceeded to put her babies blanket in my bowl-sloshing milk on my lap.
*Even though I put on Beauty and the Beast, she quickly found me trying to take a shower and insisted on getting in. Then of course she wanted to get out. Then she peed on the floor.
*She wanted to brush her teeth-instead of letting me help her she grabbed the toothbrush end and got her berry blue toothpaste all over her hand
*She unrolled half of a roll of toilet paper. Now I have to put it in a bag by the side of the sink and use it like that. Frugality and all.
*I was trying to take some Tylenol and the lid wasn't on tight-so the bottle dropped, spilling the glass of water and the Tylenol into a medicinal mess-wasting about 30 caplets. No-I did not try to dry them out and save them.
*I needed Tylenol because I had minor "surgery" on my toe yesterday-ingrown toenail stuff. Gross I know. At least Felicity hasn't stepped on it as many times as she did yesterday.
*I don't know what else-but it just seems like there were a million things that went wrong this morning. Of course there were the usual battles of diaper changes, getting dressed, combing her hair. ANYTHING that I want her to do is just so so tragic to her.
*And to top it all off, we are out of otter pops.

Now, I know that she is just a baby and almost anything naughty that she does is because I have enabled her to do so, by eating breakfast on the couch and such. But it's still frustrating-it's not like I'm leaving her on her own so I can eat bon bon's, I'm just trying to shower and get ready. I swear, there is nothing in this house that will hold her attention for more than two minutes. I think It's time for a toy swap or something. Just needed to vent.

The Forf

Felicity loves to play on the trampoline with cousin Addison
Two crazy girls

Four girls (one in TeriAnn's tummy!) playing in the water

Felicity loved the parade!

Sam and Felicity sitting with Bogo AKA Grandpa Woff

I'd bet a large sum that Felicity is eating something

Momma and Baby Girl

A cool little airplane

My brother Blake and his cute girlfriend Allison.

They are the sacrificing souls who went and camped out for our parade spot at 4 am. Thank you!

There was a pinata for Max's Birthday.

This is Addison hoarding candy in her skirt. So funny.

Yahoo! Dulces!

Addie and Felicity "playing" croquet

What can I say, she's a helper. OK. Not really, but she's cute

"He makes me melt like a popsicle on the Forf of July..." Name that movie!

There are many things that I need to blog about but I wanted to put some pictures up to let you know that we had an AWESOME fourth of July. We always do. We were lucky enough to spend time with both of our families-we enjoyed the parade, a bbq, a birthday celebration, golfing (Kurt) and fireworks of course. Hope you all had a great fourth. I for one am so grateful to live in this country and for all of the men and women who sacrifice to keep us free and safe. Thank you!

What's the Happs?

Well-I have been too pooped to blog-so I will mush everything together.

I am pooped because I am teaching swimming lessons in the morning at my parents. It is a good way to earn some extra money-but it wears me out. The last time I did it was when i was pregnant and I would take a 3 or 4 hour nap afterward. I don't exactly have that luxury now-but I do nap while Felicity does-it is usually an hour and half but it's better than nothing. Some friends in the ward are watching Felicity in the mornings. It's hard to drop her off-I am feeling some sympathy for all you working moms out there.

We celebrated my birthday, my mom's birthday and our anniversary. I was super duper lucky this year. I spent my birthday in Las Vegas with college bffs Jana and Rischel. They planned the whole thing, treated me to hotels and flew in to meet me there for 3 days of relaxation. It was a.maze.ing. We slept in, stayed up late, read magazines by the pool and ate and ate and ate. It was so relaxing and such a good little trip. It's too bad that on the last night there someone broke my driver's window and stole our GPS. But that's just part of life. Someone else's agency affecting my life in a negative way. Oh well.

We went to dinner and bowling for my mom's birthday. It was fun and I didn't even come in last. Second to last. But-I'm cool with that. Some people are bowlers, some people are mini golfers.

The terrible twos have come to our house early. Felicity has her sweet moments and it's fun listening to her learn to talk, but she sure throws a lot of tantrums. She's a pretty aggressive little thing.

Life is good-and it's nice to finally see the sun and use one of my few talents-getting tan. Even with spf 50 these swimming lessons are doing their usual damage. Happy Summer to you all!

I wrote this post a week ago-but didn't post it because I was too lazy to post pictures. Still too lazy. Soon.

one year wiser

Happy birthday, sweetheart! We love you so much!

What I'm reading

I really liked this one...

Ug! So much for my resolution for more frequent posting. But guess what? I don't really care. There is no Quota. This is for me. And if I have something to say-I will find time to say it. I don't know who I'm talking back to right now... Forgive my rebellious attitude about my self imposed goal.

Anyway-it's almost summer and we have been swimming a couple of times. Starting next Monday I will be teaching swimming lessons in the morning. I hope all goes well. I like doing it and I like being in the sun. I just hope Felicity fares well with all of the baby sitting and late naps. Nursery in a couple of weeks. So. Excited.

Anyway-I just thought I'd let you all know what I'm reading. Most of you know I love to read. I read mostly junior fiction (it's easy to get through-entertaining-sometimes meaningful and it's what made me fall in love with reading) and board books. Know those ones by heart. Felicity and I hit up the library almost every week and although she never sits on my lap during lap time, we get new books and have fun.

So I got curious the other day and looked up a list of the Newberry award winners to see how many of them I have read. Then I remembered that my good friend's mom offered her kids some large amount of money to read all of the Newberry award winners ($500?). I don't know if any of her kids did it, but I decided I would. And no, I am not going to ask her for the money.

So that's what I have been reading. Newberry Award winners from 1922 to the present. Some of the really old ones are hard to get through and about dolls and stuff. I have to say, I like the newer ones. I was going to post a list of the ones I have read, but that is on the other computer, so you will just have to wait. If you want to read some Junior Fiction now-go read something by Jerry Spinelli, Richard Peck, Lois Lowry, Gary Paulsen or Blue Balliet. Those are some of my favorites. Happy Reading!

Thoughts on Motherhood

Funny faces

Felicity used to be puny (sp?)

I know this post is a week late, but I needed this time to really think about motherhood instead of cards, gifts, and yummy food. Don't get me wrong, Mother's Day was amazing. We got to spend time with both families and give and receive great words of appreciation. I had a great day. Kurt was more helpful than usual (which I thought was impossible-he always helps me a lot) and he didn't have extra meetings-yeah!

Yesterday I was getting my hair cut while pouring over US Weekly ( I know it's dumb-but that's what I love to do when I get my haircut-don't even try to talk to me girl-I love an hour of silence). But it wasn't silent, because the girl next to me was a talker, which was fine but I couldn't help overhearing their conversation. She recently had a baby and was telling her stylist about how she is from California and it's funny in Utah because you don't feel special when you are pregnant or having a baby-because literally EVERYBODY'S DOING IT. When you are in other states and people see your baby they are always going Lady Gaga over you and your bundle of joy. In Utah, nobody cares. When you walk into a store every other person you see either has kids with them or a baby bump, or both.

Even though I have had this same thought on more than one occasion and experienced it myself (taking a 5 month old to a Padres game-we have never had so much attention for being a cute little family) for some reason I sort of resented this girl saying it (probably because although I agreed with her, she was kind of annoying).

So-here's my rumination on that.

Just because everybody's doing it, it doesn't make it less special. Truly. I don't know that there a many things in life that this holds true for, but it's true about motherhood. Even if every friend of yours from high school, college or in your ward is having a baby, it doesn't make your experience any less special. And those that love you will feel the same way. It's amazing to me how sincerely excited I get when a friend, sister or acquaintance tells me they're pregnant. I get weepy. I CARE. Sincerely care-even if I don't know you that well. I want to talk with you about heartburn, otter pops, night sweats, pitting edema, colic, nursing shields and what books you have read. I want to tell you that having a newborn was probably the hardest 3 months of my life and it's ok if you feel like you're going crazy and then feel tremendous guilt about that. That's normal. I went off on a tangent here...

I guess what I am trying to say is that even though women have been doing it for hundreds and hundreds of years-it's still a miracle every time. Even though it's scientifically how our species procreates and survives-it's more than that. It will change you (obviously) and your life forever. No one can tell you how much of a sacrifice and a joy it will be. It is such a miracle that we are able to be parents on this earth. Whether it's by delivering a child ourselves, or by adoption or fostering or mentoring-it feels amazing to teach a child, to love a child.

I grew up in Provo and I now live in Orem and I have never felt like a lemming-or a boring Utah Mormon. Yes, my hair may have been bad in elementary school pictures (whose wasn't-it was the 80's), but I know that just because I may not be completely in style and maybe my hair is now a mom bob and maybe I am a country bumpkin to many -I like myself, and I like living here and I know I'm not vanilla or tofu and I LOVE being a mom. There have been times when I've felt like just part of the herd; go to college, be a teacher, get married, have a baby, stop working etc.. But guess what? I love it. It's hard but I love it. And I think I love it because I know it's what Heavenly Father wants for me.

So-to all you mothers out there-I know you get bored sometimes, get frustrated, feel left out of the working world, feel unappreciated, feel dowdy-but I saw you at Target yesterday and just because you've got a 2 year old and one on the way and Old Navy Jeans-I know you're not a lemming. I know you give your everything to those kids so they can grow strong and smart and feel loved. I know you once had hobbies and won awards or got scholarships and looked good in a swimsuit. I know you've got personality. Most of you.I guess it's taken me a lot of words to say that Just because everybody's doing it, it doesn't make it less special. I'm proud of you-and your stretch marks.